his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
