It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
