just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
