I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
