we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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