Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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