and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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