Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
