whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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