If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
