Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
