I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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