I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
