69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
