Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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