This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
