Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
