Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
