i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
