What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
