so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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