mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
