Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
