Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
