Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
