can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
