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# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are we still banned from the library?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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