I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
