Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
