I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
