I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
