Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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