I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize
