North Korea, Best Korea!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
