he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
