i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
