If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
