I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
