Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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