I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
