So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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