i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
