Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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