He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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