I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
