he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
