How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
