2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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