I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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