i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
