I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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