I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
