If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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