i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
