im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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