I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I am one with the molecules
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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