Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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