I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
