im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm really busy with my period
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