he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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