Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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