Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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