I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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