Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
