Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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