I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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