So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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