Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
