I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
