It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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