I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Use "feeling words"
Yay
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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